nickfuckoff

The meaning of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Insanity isn’t something you catch. It’s not something that just suddenly hits you when reality collides with the stimulations of an emotionally stable fantasy. Insanity is when your going through pain. It’s when all you do is try and try and work and beg for the pain to stop. You appease to what’s causing your insanity. Hope and pray that the source of it all. Just stops and gives you some breathing space to get back on your feet. When you finally feel like everything’s said and done and you can move on with your life, guess what? You get the same results. Pain. Hatred. Torture. And it doesn’t stop ever. You try and try to make it just go away but it won’t. Because its insane. It drives you insane. So you spend your life doing the same thing everyday to just hope it will eventually end. Hahahah it doesn’t. Cause your insane. And so am I.

Battle won, In a war, callin’ it a deadlock

lets agree to disagree and go make my bed rock

Headshots, A couple fezz pops, and some dead cops

Got the handcuffs and a bloody red top

fuck ya to a world where Hawking could walk

Mouth blocked, don’t talk, i’m a hazard

to you and your friends, a white trashed bastard

fuckin’ psychotic ass bastard

Shhh, I got the last words

Pour rounds, got this bitch plastered

 I hate everyone, i’ll fill ‘em full of lead

tie her up, and set fire to the bed

Then put it out with her red

pain is just an imagination in the head

You can’t kill me bitch, cause I’m already dead.

THERES BLOOD EVERYWHERE

I’m hurting so much. I miss you like crazy, but there’s nothing I can do. I don’t feel wanted at all. I cry. And I cry even more because I realize i’m crying over you. But I promise you on everything, I’m gonna get over you. I’m gonna throw it all away. The memories, the sushi dates, the tattoos we were gonna get, the plans for my birthday, the sex, the children, the apartment, Charleston, the car rides, even the friendship. I have to, its the only way. And I want all of that so bad right now more than anything in the world, but I know I can’t have it because of what’s been done. I know one day karma is gonna come back to haunt you. I cry so hard over you now, but I know every tear that rolls down my cheek means that I’m getting one step closer to getting over you. I cry over you now, but when I get over you, I’m gonna laugh at how stupid I was for crying over you. And I miss you, but when I get over you, I’m not gonna miss you anymore. And I’m not gonna want you back in my life and your gonna regret what you did. Your gonna regret leaving. And I love you, but when I get over you, I won’t love you anymore. I’ll love somebody else. Somebody better. And I’m depressed over you, but when I get over you, I’m gonna be happy without you. And I want you, but when I get over you, I’m not even gonna need you anymore. I’m not gonna call you up crying because I’m having a rough night, I’ll have someone else there for me. And i’m writing a depressing post about you, but when I get over you, I’m gonna be writing a happy post about a new girl. So keep on making me cry, keep on hurting me, but the more you hurt me, the stronger i’m gonna get, and the stronger I get, the more I will never want you back in my life, and when I do get over you.. I’m never looking back.  

I’ve been crying over you all morning. My mom came home from work today and saw me just ballin’ my eyes out. She asked if I was okay and I told her I’d be fine. So she went in the house and she came back out with a couple of suitcases and told me she was leaving to go somewhere for a little while. I didn’t respond. I just continued to cry. She sat down next to me and asked my why I was hurting so much. I told her about what had happened and she just hugged me and told me I was a strong kid and I was gonna get through this. Then her boyfriend pulled up and she told me she had to leave, so I got up to hug her and when I looked her in the eyes I absolutely lost it. I hugged her tight and cried on her shoulder for what felt like forever. Even though she wasn’t going away for very long, I didn’t want her to leave. She held me like a baby crying over spilled milk and I didn’t want it to end. I apologized for everything I ever put her through and she forgave me and kept reassuring me everything was gonna be alright. She gave me some money told me to use it fend for myself because my father wanted nothing to do with me. I finally stopped crying and told her goodbye, and for the first time in a long time, I finally realized how much she meant to me. I love my mom so much. She is absolutely everything to me.

The best thing about a breakdown is that you get just a little bit stronger after each one.

Well, it’s been four hours with you completely out of my life for good. So far i’m doing pretty good, just a bit lonely, I guess. But I’m determined to get over you. For good this time. I did alot of thinking while I was driving around today. I started putting my seat belt on because something better in my life is gonna come along. And there’s no point in “accidentally” dying. I’m gonna take this and become a stronger person out of this, I know I will. As I was driving home today, I stared to come back down to earth. I started thinking about everything that happened, and just couldn’t believe I was so blinded by your games. What happened with the knife. You escalated it. You were playing me and him, and the tension got to the point where someone could have been killed. If you didn’t try to keep both of us around, it would have never gotten to this point. But it was my fault for pulling it. Honestly, i’m not sorry that I had to leave. I needed this. You were only hurting me and bringing me down. Like, I just can’t believe I looked past all the shit you pulled. You slept with two people behind my back. Then tried lying to me about it. What guy in their right mind would try and work shit out after that? You really fucked me. And what boyfriend would be okay with their girlfriend staying the night with the guy she left him for and fucked behind his back? What the fuck was I thinking!? You just texted me and told me you couldn’t do it. Well, guess what? I can. I have too. I’m gonna find something better. I know I will. You fucked me over one to many times, and I’m not coming back. I mean, I almost got charged with, possession of a deadly weapon, point of possession, 1st degree burglary, and maybe attempted murder over your games. 25 years of my life gone, because of you. Well no more. I’m moving on for good this time. I have fallen completely out of love with you, and I’m gonna learn to happy without you. You kicked me while I was down. And now i’m not getting back up and dropping your shit. I know i’m gonna get through this. I promise you I will. And your gonna regret everything you did to me. So keep fucking around with him, I honestly don’t care anymore. It’s over. Dueces.    

When you take someone’s child from them, that’s the most fucked up thing you can do to them.